Mornings.

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In 2005 mornings started at 11am in a tiny studio apartment where my friend cassidi and I lived. I’d play video games then take 2 hours to put on my makeup.

In 2007 my morning routine was being woken up by chickens taunting my dog by pecking at my sliding glass door of the cabin. I’d go scare them off before climbing back into bed.

In 2010 I would walk down Pike, first stoping to get coffee and buy cigarettes. then hop on the light-rail at Westlake Center downtown. I’d ride on the train for 45 minutes listening to Kate Nash on my iPod.

In 2014…It’s 6:45 am when first lucy comes in asking me to turn on cartoons from my phone. I have a remote app. Mila wakes up and starts nursing. I have to pee but am stuck there for at least 45 minutes. I’m still in a fog but I check my Instagram and email. Then justin and I discuss if he’ll be taking Lucy to school or if I have to take her to the bus stop. Mila wants fruit and scrambled eggs. Lucy wants hard boiled eggs and cinnamon toast. Neither actually eat the meal I’ve prepared. I spend 5 minutes explaining to Lucy YES YOU HAVE TO WEAR A COAT then remember I still haven’t changed mila’s diaper. I miss waking up and not immediately having to do so much for others!

In 2020 I bet I’ll think how much I miss waking up next to Mila. How much I miss cutting crust off Lucy’s toast. And the comfort of a baby on my hip as little arms hug me goodbye before school.

In 2030 I might miss the satisfaction of getting to do so much for people I love. They might be out of the house but justin and I will still wake up at 7am expecting to be needed. Missing being needed as much as we are now.

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