Im about to just dump photos. in order. but its not the most cohesive collection of images. But that could be a perk to organizing these photos and thoughts months later. Because in the moment I find myself just wanting to post the ones showing off my 4 week old fully smiling or that perfectly focused shot. Or I may not post one cause someone’s shirt has a stain or is inside out.
And not only that. Some photos you don’t even realize will remind you of a certain time until that time is over. Its like that blurry one lucy took of me in my black robe holding Vincent. Seeing that took me right back to that moment.
And the truth is he’s spent a huge portion of the first year indoors. And those are some of my fondest memories. Sure we went to the beach a lot. Which only reminds me of trying to slather the kids all in sunscreen and keeping the baby from eating sand. And there was fun there too! Especially for the kids. And it’ll be fun to see which photos they like to look back on.
The down side is that I struggle with the words, and story telling. So much of the first year past those early weeks is a blur. I know the time pasted. But its hard to come up with specifics. He learned to crawl. He rolled over. He rolled over off the bed. That was traumatic. For me more then him I hope.
The rest was extremely ordinary. Teeth grew. There were nights where we slept a lot and nights I got no sleep. Luckily the no sleep nights were few and far between.
And his first birthday is coming up soon and I feel like I have nothing profound to talk about. What has this first year of his life meant!?! He wont remember it and I apparently don’t have many thoughts about it. And its sad. Its depressing AF.
But I met Vincent. That’s what happened. I met vinny vinny Vincent. And he’s funny. And he’s sensitive and whiny and needy. And he loves being in the living room. And he bites my legs if I ignore him.
He went through a phase of eating EVERYTHING in sight and now all the sudden its a chore to get him to take 3 bites of his dinner and he just wants to nurse. He is a mama’s boy. He fits right in as another family member who basically just wants to be with their family and no one else. He likes getting into trouble and being wild. Then he wants to be scooped up and held and he will yell until you do.
Ive always identified as a newborn/infant phase person, who loves this age over all others. But with Vincent I’m enjoying this time but also exciting about each age to come. Im not sad that our “baby days” are soon to be behind us. Im ok. I got my fill and now I’m looking forward to having a toddler again.
I dropped the ball in writing about my pregnancy with Vincent and then against with his first year. So this post is a major catch-up.
Now Justin wont admit this, but he was the one who seemed most into the idea of having another baby. I was hesitant as Mila had just weaned, and the thought of breastfeeding make me want to rip all my hair out. But I was watching a reality show where the son and his mother had a very sweet relationship and it made me want a little boy. So I told Justin, lets do it! I want a lil boy.
3. weeks. later.
I get a positive test. which was shocking since mila took so long to get.
I had some really high hopes for my pregnancies as I had easy ones with Mila and Lucy other than gaining a lot of weight. But I was in a really good working out routine and was eating so well I didn’t stress it.
Then I found out I was bleeding internally. It’s called a subchorionic (no clue how to spell that) hemmhorage (nope. cant spell that word either. stay in school kids.) Then we found out Vincent has a two vessel cord. THEN we found out he had fluids on his kidneys. It was like every visit was another reason to stress the pregnancy. I laid in bed for most of the first trimester thinking every pain was me losing the pregnancy. And the morning sickness was rough. Nothing sounded good but if I didn’t eat I was sick. Then I just kept waiting for it to ease up. and the second trimester came and went and still it was just a daily battle with nausea. having to eat high protein foods almost constantly just to keep from getting sick. And in the 3rd trimester it was no better. The only thing that killed the time was that we could not agree on a name. And everyone hated our ideas. We just didn’t like any of the names that are more current or trendy these days. I guess you’d say we are into classic boy names. I liked Sam, James, and Vincent. And Justin hated every name. lol. He kinda liked Dominic or some really polish names I cant spell. And he definitely hated all my middle name ideas.
So obviously I was so ready to go into labor. In fact I had scheduled an induction. DONT JUDGE. I had pre eclampsia with both girls and the induction was scheduled after my “due date” and was only if I was showing signs pre-e was creeping up again.
It was nice having a scheduled date like that though. We were able to get time off for Justin, we had house cleaners come the day before, my mom got time off. I got my nails done. it was like everything was perfectly planned.
Only then the day didn’t go as planned. Turns out early November is 40 weeks out from Valentines Day. That and a big storm meant a lot of ladies going into labor naturally and so I was bumped off the list at the hospital with other inductions or planned C-sections getting priority.
I WAS MISERABLE!!!! miserable. sick. tired. frustrated. not happy at all.
Then finally a few days of being told still no beds I just accepted that I’d probably go past 41 weeks. So Justin went to work and I was home like a normal night. the house got messy again but I didn’t want to clean so I just built a fire. naturally. that’s when I got a call from the hospital that they had a bed.
Now I know being caught off guard about when you are going to have the baby is typical. But for someone with anxiety like mine this completely threw me off and I was in a panick before I even go there. Cause now I’m calling my mom to get the girls and calling Justin to get time off work at the last minute. The house was a mess. My nails are now chipped. THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN!!!!
Then we get to the hospital and the stress of it all gets contractions going. so now i’m bouncing on a ball like “wtf. this so isn’t what I was picturing. I am so not the big prego bouncing on a ball type.” I just felt like a whale. that’s when the anxiety started to kick in. and I started shaking. And the nurses were all “you are just progressing really fast!” or “Its the fluids for your epidural making you cold” but I knew it was a panic attack. The cold toes and hands and shaking. I didn’t know what to make of it cause with the girls I was SO calm through all my labor.
Luckily Justin helped me relax and the staff and Northwest Hospital are fantastic and helped me stay calm and actually nap until it was time to push. And pushing went well. I push all my kids out pretty quick. And then he was here. November 17th, 2015. 2;28am. Vincent Aleksander Wojslaw. 8lbs 7oz. And the first thing he did was poop all over me.
Then we were all shocked to see that he has blonde hair. The next morning the girls and grandma came to visit. Lucy who was so worried about having a brother, she wanted another sister, was INSTANTLY in love.
We brought Vincent home, and if I hadn’t pushed him out myself I wouldn’t have believed he was mine. I loved him. But he was so different than I’d imagined. Just looking. But this was the case with all my babies. I can guess their personalities PERFECTLY! But in my dreams they look so different I was like “wait. where is my elvis baby with a head of black hair” he was peachy red with this white duck fur hair all over. Not just blonde. WHITE!
The adjustment from 1 to 2 was nothing in comparison to going from 2 kids to 3. I did not adjust well. I just felt like such a pro I thought “Hey what’s another baby?”. 3 is a shitshow. I was drowning. I didn’t get a moment to enjoy Vincent because it was more like just carrying him with me as I attempted to take care of the girls and myself.
But I did lay in bed every chance I got. Mila and Lucy spent a lot of time in the living room watching cartoons together eating cereal straight out of the box just so I could rest with Vincent. Its not what I imagined the first few weeks or even months would be like but it was the only way I was getting through each day.
This postpartum healing phases went on for weeks..and weeks. And actually months. We essentially hibernated for the rest of Fall and Winter. We got to know Vincent more and more. He’s very sweet and gentle and sensitive. But then also playful and wild but mostly just wants to be held cheek to cheek.